Whether you are aware of it or not, the thing that stands between you and an amazing life, are your beliefs.
Even if you might want to blame your circumstances, an ex or your work – the thing that is keeping you down . . . is really you. And even though that might be painful or uncomfortable to hear, I promise that’s really great news because once we realize we’re in the driver’s seat, it becomes easier to let go of what is no longer working.
A belief – especially one that is limiting or keeping us from doing the things we want – is something you’re deeply committed to. It’s your way of looking at the world or opinions that you’ve accumulated that make up you. We hold onto our beliefs mostly because we believe that without them, we don’t really know who we are.
Half of the time, though, we’re unaware that the beliefs we hold near and dear, are also the ones bringing us down and holding us back from what we most want. Only when we’re willing to open up and look at what’s really driving us, do we have an opportunity to make real changes.
In my own personal experience – both as a captive of my beliefs and as a life coach, I’ve learned that despite our unique circumstances – we all carry really similar beliefs that hold us back.
Which of these limiting beliefs are driving you?
(1) What’s Out There Is Scarier than What I Have Now.
Everything in your life is conspiring to keep you safe – but how good do you feel? If you want things to be different, you have to shake it up. Whether it's our jobs or a relationship that is no longer working, many of stay way past our expiration date because the devil we know seems easier to live
Just think back to how many times you’ve said to yourself, if only I hadn’t waited. What should scare us more than the unknown is the thought of doing exactly what we’re doing right now for another day, week, month or year. Imagine if nothing changes what might your life look like?
(2) I’m Not Good Enough.
Ugh. How many of us feel that way on a daily basis. We look around and think everyone else has their sh—together. “Everyone seems to know what they want or able to get the things they need . . . except me.” We buy into our stories that we aren’t educated enough, pretty enough, young enough or rich enough to live the lives we’ve dreamed of. So much so that after years of disappointments, we simply settle.
Not feeling good enough keeps us from asking for a raise or even what we want from our spouse. It might even stop us from returning a dish that was incorrectly prepared at a restaurant because – after all – who are we to bother anyone. And even though we may not verbalize it, the belief that we’re not good enough comes out loud and clear and lets the world know that we should be treated exactly that way.
(3) I’m Stupid.
This one held me back for years!! We can all remember the shame of getting something wrong in grammar school. Someone would point or laugh at our mistake and that was it – we decided we were stupid. And without being aware of it, once we formed that belief we decided that it’s safer not to try or to live quietly under the radar.
For others of us, maybe our fear of being called stupid drives us to be overachievers – collecting our A’s, degrees and accolades so no one can ever call us stupid. We may not be happy working so hard, but certainly we can’t be called stupid. And it can be that insidious. We might not even be aware that the reason we have to be all these things is because we’re still that little boy or girl afraid of being laughed at.
(4) Nothing is Going to Change – So Why Bother?
I’m often asked by clients, “Can someone really change?” Or I’m told, “I’m who I am and that’s not going to change.” We don’t really recognize that statement is a limiting belief. We think that we’re merely expressing our experience and that someone telling us that change is possible is selling us something. Occasionally our negative past experiences cause us to put our guard up – thinking that if we hope in the possibility or something different, we’re going to get hurt.
That belief – that nothing is going to change is also rooted in a belief that we’re never going to get what we want. We don’t trust the Universe to meet our needs or give us what we want, so we become defeated. We give up – whether it is with our physical appearance, career or personal life, our belief holds us back from living our life fully.
(5) I’m Unlovable.
Even if you are currently in a relationship – the belief that you’re unlovable might be keeping you from having the relationship you want. Whether we’re aware of it or not, we bring into our life the exact circumstances necessary to show us our beliefs. Our unlovable self might test our partner’s commitment to the relationship or consistently demand that he or she show us affection. We might even pick relationships with others who have trouble with commitment – just to prove we’re unlovable.
Most of this is unconscious, because on the outside, we tell others that we want to be loved and have good relationships. Yet, each time we either self-sabotage or live a life full of drama. And until we free ourselves of our belief, we are destined to live a life of unfulfilled hopes and expectations.
So, what now?
As I said, the good news is that once we are aware of our beliefs, we can learn to shift them. The first step is to become aware of all of the ways we get in our own way and stop pointing fingers at others or our circumstances. If we can see that our unconscious limiting beliefs are running the show, we can bring them into the light and consciously choose to behave differently – changing our patterns and finally living the life we say we want.
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