“If you set goals and go after them with all the determination you can muster, your gifts will take you places that will amaze you.” Les Brown
I’d like to think of myself as someone who lives her life with integrity.
I do what I say and say what I do. Well – almost. Like all of us, I like to cheat – I will drink a little too much wine with friends, indulge in chocolate or stay in bed when I promised myself to go exercise. I tell myself “It’s just this once”, “I deserve this” or “No one needs to know.” Yeah, right. And in the short-term nothing happens. The world keeps on spinning, the sun rises and my life goes on as normal. It’s all normal, that is, until I look at my vision board and see that some of the things that I want the most are just not being reached. It’s not because I don’t work hard or go after my goals, it’s because I am out of integrity with myself and what I say I want.
A little over a week ago I attended a workshop that helped me come face-to-face with my imposter.
I had no idea she was even there – but after looking honestly at my life, there was no denying that I was out of integrity and that I was hiding – not only from the world, but from myself. Like so many of us, I wake up everyday and think of all the things that are wrong with me. From the moment my feet hit the ground, I judge and criticize not only how I look, but also how I behave or what I have achieved today, this week or this lifetime. I say mean things to myself that I would never say my worst enemy. And while no one can hear us beating ourselves up, it starts to show up in our outside world in our compromised health, strained personal relationships and even falling short of our desired goals.
And even though I am someone who spend time nurturing myself, eating right, and setting healthy boundaries – what I discovered this weekend is that none of that matters if I am not living my 100% truth. I am not saying that means you can never have a glass of wine with friend again – but you can no longer use wine or watch TV or whatever else to stop you from chasing what it is you most want. Most of us aren’t even aware at how much we numb or run away from discomfort. We simply continue on autopilot and move further and further away from what we want. But, if we begin to look at our outer world and see that we aren’t getting everything we want – maybe, just maybe – it’s time to look at our inner world and see how we might be out of sync.
The reality is that so many of us our cheating ourselves when we buy into our excuses or waste time beating ourselves up.
Imagine instead if we devoted that time to being kind to ourselves or working on our goals. And sure, we do deserve a break now and again, but we want to be honest with ourselves and see if it is a break or if we are acting out of fear, disappointment or some other hidden driver that sabotages our goals. I know that now that I have met my imposter, it is impossible to ignore her. And that doesn’t mean that I punish myself – it means that I take the time to ask the right question as my teacher Debbie Ford would say – “Will this choice
This week, I want to invite you to look inside and see all the different ways you might be cheating yourself.
Begin simply by examining the different areas of your life and seeing where you are living at less than 100%. What are the excuses you use to keep yourself small or not reach your goals? How do you sabotage yourself? What activities do you engage in that numb you from your feelings?
Once you have uncovered where you are out of integrity, set a goal to do one thing to help you step more fully into alignment with who you want to be. Start small – it all begins with baby steps – and make sure your goal is realistic. As you begin to make changes internally, it is important to notice too what begins to change in your outer world as well!
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